You’re getting married in a couple of days and I wanted to share a few insights with you. I deeply desire to spare you the agony of the lessons I learned in hope that you will be a far better husband than I.
Your wife is the most important person in your life. More important than the people at church. More important than your boss. More important than your children (when they come). More important even than yourself. Everyone who meets you should know very quickly that she is your queen and you will not tolerate her being treated any less.
You don’t know everything. I know you think you do, but you don’t. In a few short years you’ll learn exactly how little you really know. And you certainly don’t know more than she does. Listen to her advice and talk with her about decisions. Trust her intuition and lean on her strengths. Together you’re stronger and you will make better choices learning together.
Sex is great, but it’s just sex. It isn’t the basis of your relationship; it is an extension of who you are as a couple. Focus on intimacy, on connecting, on being close. Think of it like this: intimacy is the cake, sex is the frosting. When you cook a great cake, the frosting is the accent that makes it phenomenal.
Pray together every day. Praying together is one of the most powerful tools in your marriage. It keeps you both connected to God and honest with each other. This single habit will revolutionize your marriage and ensure you both stay focused. Do not neglect this.
Weakness is strength. It is a lie that you have to be strong all the time. You already have a strong spirit, so don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, especially with your wife. Let her in to the deepest parts of you, the scary parts. Be transparent and open and risk it all. Cry and laugh and shout and dance. Give her every part of you, even when it makes you feel weak, for this is the path to true strength.
Great marriages don’t just happen, they are created. It will take time and energy and intention and creativity to develop a fantastic marriage. Think of it as the project of your lifetime. You could coast like others do, but then you’ll only get marriages like they have. Believe me, you don’t want an average marriage. So invest your resources in your marriage.
Your confidence is a great strength, but it’s also a great weakness. It creates blind spots and leads to mistakes. You need someone who will keep you honest and humble. There is no one better suited to play that role for you than your wife. If you take a humble posture with her and listen to what she sees, she can mitigate against your strength becoming your weakness. Allow her tell you the hard stuff.
I love you, and pray God’s blessing on your marriage.